In the most recent example of American mishap on foreign land, a US soldier decided to go Rambo on some Afghan citizens in the middle of the night. Reports suggest he may have had brain trauma, but this is irrelevant, because that individual is not to blame for the surge of anger coming from Afghanistan. If you believe this, you’ve probably been watching too much msnbc. And you probably wouldn’t even see the truth if it slapped you in the face and called you a liberal.
Truth is, they hate us because we are free. That’s right. These Arabs are angry and disenchanted not because of our decades-long occupation, not because we support despotism when our interests are served, not because hundreds of thousands of civilians have died as a result of our wayward policies (this is just collateral damage anyways), not because we overthrow governments (democratic ones to boot) when they no longer serve our needs; they hate us because I chose to drink a Coca-Cola instead of a Pepsi; because you ordered a double-down super-cheezy double-fake patty with extra pink slime at the drive-thru the other day; because I go to college and because you drive a hybrid; because I can go to a beach and see scantily clad females begging for a large dose of skin cancer (with a side of vitamin D); because I went to the voting booth and checked the box next to the name of the person who I think will best serve this country as our next president.
Open your eyes reader: the truth is obvious. And there is only one way to keep the Muslims from getting materials so they can transport them secretly into Venezuela where they will build a bomb to smuggle up through Central America and down into tunnels and across our border to blow up all our cities and impose evil Sharia law on everyone that is left: we have to kill them first.
Nevermind that this directly violates our Constitution, Christian just war theory, and the natural law. YOU DON’T WANT TO GET BLOWN UP DO YOU? Seriously. Disregard everything our intelligence agencies say, because they don’t know anything anyways. Nevermind that the suicide rate of US soldiers is increasing. They are increasing because of people like you, who don’t support the wars we are fighting for our freedom. Nevermind crazy people like the 22-year head of the bid Laden unit of the CIA saying that our policies in the Middle East lead to the attacks of 9/11, and that we should respect the sovereignty of other nations and only use force when we have exhausted every other possible option. We don’t have a choice here people. We have to kill them before they kill us.
“No matter how obvious you make a satire, someone will think you are being serious.” – Tom Woods Law #3